THIS AIN'T NO PETER COTTONTAIL !
SPOLIER ALERT!
BUNNYMAN (2011)
SPECIAL EASTER SURPRISE!
WATCH THE WHOLE MOVIE HERE!
It's Easter folks and that means brightly colored baskets, yummy candy and a chainsaw wielding psychopath, dressed up like a cute and cuddly bunny. That is if cute and cuddly also meant homicidal maniac!
If you haven't seen the cult horror, slasher classic "Bunnyman" then you are missing out on a pretty good movie.
The Bunny Man is based on an urban legend that originated from two true reported incidents in Fairfax County, Virginia, in 1970, but has been spread throughout the Washington, D.C., and Maryland areas.
The legend has many variations, most involve a man wearing a rabbit costume who attacks people with an axe or hatchet.
"Bunnyman" is not very unique or original. Think "Wolf Creek" meets "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" but only in a bunny costume, and you pretty much get the gist.
I always thought that "Bunnyman" was an Australian movie, primarily because it really is just "Wolf Creek" in a bunny costume.
Even though it is set in the back woods of San Bernadino, California, they did a great job of making it look like the Australian outback.
I actually kind of wish that it was Australian, just to add to the mystique and authenticity of "Wolf Creek".. oh wait, that's right, this movie is not "Wolf Creek" it is a totally different movie (wink wink).
The "Bunnyman" Carl Lindbergh, incidentally, is also the writer and director.
Let's meet some of the cast.
First we got our unlikely.. ahem.. "hero" John played by Matthew Albrecht (Detention/The Next Best Web Series (TV Series), Mike- Matthew Stiller (Fear House), Jack- Scott Kuza (Charlie Wilson's War) who also played the very strange Pet of Bunnyman, Pops, Joe, played by David Scott, who will soon reprise his role as Joe, as he joins Bunnyman in the next two sequels (The Bunnyman Massacre and Bunnyman Vengeance) to rein bloody terror on their unsuspecting victims. Last but certainly not least, is Joseph (Joshua Lang) who was one of five different people who played "Bunnyman", will be taking over as The Bunnyman himself for the next two movies (The Bunnyman Massacre and Bunnyman Vengeance).
What's the movie about you say?
Well.. let's get into it.
"Wolf Creek" .. err I mean "Bunnyman" starts off with six young coeds who are heading out to the middle of nowhere, deep in the San Bernardino forest.
BUT.. not before we are treated to some home movie of some random girl who somehow miraculously can go from having her hands bound one second to having them totally untied the next? It ends with Michael Cronin as the 8mm Killer, hacking away at some poor soul but my question is.. who is he? and what part does he play in The Bunnyman story???
SPOILER ALERT! We NEVER get to find out!
It then bleeds into this girl who is hiding inside of an old refrigerator, who climbs out, starts running and climbs into the back of a truck. Not a super great place to hide but a good way to get out and see the world.
Unfortunately for her, she doesn't take one of the literally zillion chances to get out and run while the road hog is busy playing chicken with the coeds...But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself.
Unfortunately for her, she now will give new meaning to "hugging a tree".
Anyway, as I was saying, these six young coeds who are heading out to the middle of nowhere.
On the way there, they run into a road hog who is bound to give them a hard time much like in the movie "Joyride".
They quickly find out that this road hog is pretty much out for blood.. their blood and will stop at nothing until they are all dead.
This motley crew of complete imbeciles, would be hard pressed to know how to screw in a lightbulb, even if they all had written and verbal instructions. Yes folks, they are THAT stupid.
Everything that you can do wrong in a horror movie, they invented it.
Anyway, pretty much in the extremely disturbing spirit of the movie "River's Edge", these "friends" have zero and I mean ZERO compassion, empathy or conscious, especially when it comes to caring about any of them dying.
First I have to ask, why doesn't ANY of them have a cellphone in 2011?? Did anyone even think to bring one? See what I mean? just plain stupid!
They should NOT have stopped and taken their chances driving away from the road hog or at least driven in a different direction away from him or tried to lose him, instead of stopping and waiting like sitting ducks.
They certainly shouldn't have just sat there forever doing nothing trying to wait him out or wait until he comes back. They should have just said "the hell with this!" and headed home in the same direction that they came".
But if they had done that, then there wouldn't have been a movie.
After the road hog runs them off the road. Jack- Scott Kuza (Charlie Wilson's War), who has little experience with fixing cars, decides to try to fix their car.
Meanwhile, John, Matthew Albrecht (Detention/The Next Best Web Series (TV Series), who DOES actually have experience fixing cars, stays in the car and let's the clueless Jack fix it instead???
Well, Jack must not have meant very much to him, because after the road hog violently rams into their car with poor Jack underneath, John decides that it is a good time to rev up the engine, with ..you guessed it, Jack still underneath the car???
On accident, John pretty much grinds Jack into dust, while Rachel- Cheryl Texiera (Suspense (TV Series),Girl Meets World (TV Series) realizes that Jack is not in the car but rather under it.
Rachel sees that Jack is bloody and under the car but instead of ANY of them bothering to check if he was ok, they just declared him dead and flicked him and his memory off like a snot on their shirts.
At the same time, we meet Jenn- Veronica Wylie (Adventures in Online Dating (TV Series).
Now I need you to pay very special attention to Jenn, since she obviously is invisible to the rest of the gang.
I actually started thinking that she was dead or a ghost or something??
Now at 25 mins into the movie, you have got to wonder if the character Jenn can actually speak, because not only has she not said a single word in 25 minutes but she is not even acknowledged by the group at all and she is in the same damned car???
Come on Carl, you are a total showboat as writer, director and one of the guys playing the part of Bunnyman too but c'mon dude, it's Writing 101 to give Jenn a measly line or two. I mean the other ones are talking away, even Jack who is asleep most of the time, gets more action than poor Jenn? What gives man???
Did Carl just say to Veronica "hey, you got the part and you will be one of the main six but the catch is, I'm going to treat you like an extra or a day player and I'm only going to give you a few lines twice in the movie and then kill you off pretty quickly, K? sound good?".
Poor Jenn, she goes silent again after her "big" scene at 25 mins in, only to finally get a few more lines out at 48 mins in, just before she is turned into minced meat by the road hog who we now see is Bunnyman.
BUT BEFORE THAT.....After traveling down the road right after Jack got car-jacked .. Get it? See what I did there?
This merry gang runs into a very disagreeable bitch named Melissa played by Lucia Sullivan (Ray Donovan (TV Series).
Now remember that name Melissa because we'll be seeing her again later. Melissa is traveling with some injured guy that I think is her brother? Jacob (Joseph Darden).
After not giving them a ride but rather trying to lurer them to an abandoned cabin in the woods, so they can take shelter and wait for The Bunnyman, urrr I mean Melissa, to come and get them, they decide to wait it out in the open by falling asleep under a tree?
Like I said, we are not dealing with the brightest bunch here folks.
As Jenn is spying on Bunnyman after he just made a couple of fresh kills, Mike- Matthew Stiller (Fear House) decides to scare Jenn with the subtlety of a foghorn, alerting Bunnyman, who whips her across some rocks like a ragdoll and then filets her right in front of Mike but with a little help from Jenn, as she looks like she is not only waiting to be chain sawed alive but she actually walks right up into it??
Instead of helping his "friend" Jenn, Mike turns tail and runs away as fast as his wimpy legs could carry him.
Well, you can always count on Mike, to do the wrong thing.
But really, why would he care? Jenn is after all only an extra in this movie, right?
Well the Worst Friend Awards rage on, as Tiffany- Alaina Gianci (Reprobate and Family Problems (TV Mini Series) asks "what about Jenn, is she dead?" and Mike says "yes" and no one gives a flying fig and they all just move on with their merry little lives????
Then, just when you think that these "friends" can't suck anymore as "friends" especially with Mike being her boyfriend, pretty much throw her to the wolves, or in this case, to Bunnyman, instead of trying to lift a finger to help her???
As Bunnyman chases after the rest of them after briefly knocking Tiffany unconscious, she wakes to some gimpy looking freak of nature, called Pops, played by Scott Kuza, (who also plays Jack in this film) decides to get it on, bang a gong with her.
Why didn't she just fight back? He was terrified of his own shadow!
Things that make you go hmmmm???
Tiffany escapes Gimpy Gimperson and then channels her best inner Olympic gymnast Simone Biles, as she amazingly is able to jump like Wonder Woman, up into a tall tree effortlessly?
Soon after her incredible imitation of a monkey on steroids, Bunnyman finds her and let's just say, he cuts down more than just a tree.
Mike, scaredy cat that he is, narrowly escapes Bunnyman's clutches as he does a very impressive drop and roll (someone was listening in Safety School) under the truck and away from Bunnyman.
Just as he finds shelter, he gets a little more than what he bargained for.
As Bunnyman ends their little game of hide and seek, well let's just say, be careful what you wish for.
Soon you get to meet the whole "Sawyer", err I mean Bunnyman family and John and Rachel arrived just in time for dinner.
Bunnyman is unmasked and well.. it ain't pretty.
Check out the beginning of the Grindhouse cut to see what I mean.
About this time, since it is very close to the end of the movie, you might be asking yourself "where is brother Jacob?"
Did Melissa drop him off at Urgent Care and then just forget to pick him up? or maybe he just disappeared into the magical portal in the Grindhouse edit???
SPOILER ALERT!.. we NEVER get to find out!
Anyway, at the worst possible moment, John has a really bad plan and they bolt out of the kitchen panty right as Bunnyman and his creepy crew are having their din din.
Let's just say, it doesn't go well and the dumb duo are captured.
After giving Melissa a little of her just deserts, John and Rachel barely escape the clutches of Bunnyman.
Meanwhile, Rachel decides to do her best Sally (Marilyn Burns) from "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" impersonation, as she totally loses her mind at the very worst time possible while John is trying to untie and rescue her hysterical ass.
I think a good slap in the face would have brought her back to reality quicker but John's way works too...I guess?
In yet another stupid act, John tells Rachael he wants to drive Melissa's getaway truck, which I swear looked like a car not a truck, when she first met the gang on the road? but it was dark so who knows?
Once again clueless John is up to bat at the Darwin Awards, as he asks a very traumatized Rachel to "trust him" because he has a "plan" even though that has never seem to work out in the past and his track record is a big fat ZERO.
John's very stupid and dangerous plan, completely hinges on hoping that he could find some compassion in a totally deranged serial killing psychopathic Easter Bunny, by telling Rachel to play dead as John literally serves up Rachel to Bunnyman on a silver platter as bait?
At what point did John think that his brilliant plan was working? Was it when he laid Rachel out as possible roadkill right in front of Bunnyman's truck as he revved up the engine? or was it when he let Bunnyman throw Rachel over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and then let him carry her back to his truck and throw her in it?
How lucky and very convenient it was for Rachel, that as she continued to play dead (community theater really paid off) she just so happened to find a big ole pair of scissors that weren't there before when Mike ransacked his truck?
I severely doubt that with as dirty as Bunnyman's house and truck was, that he took the time to clean it out before he went chasing after John and Rachel.
FINALLY, it took the whole movie but John and Rachel push Bunnyman out of his truck after Rachel made him a human pin cushion with the scissors that she miraculously found, steal his truck and drive off into the sunset.
But not before Rachel says something super profound like "we're gonna need therapy after this".
It ends VERY disturbingly, as we get to watch this poor little baby get terrorized during the end credits just for the sake of the movie.
Her little hands playing in all the fake blood and guts as if she was splashing in a puddle, pretty much solidifying a life in therapy.
Now that there is some pretty nifty parenting skills hard at work if you ask me!
It's cool though because the family that slays together stays together and I'm pretty sure that the adorable little girl in question is the daughter of two of the actors in "Bunnyman".
Overall, despite my review, "Bunnyman" is actually a great great movie and well worth the watch.
Remember, if you didn't get enough Bunnyman, there is more than enough to go around with two sequels (The Bunnyman Massacre and Bunnyman Vengeance) just waiting for you to hop on over and watch!
Happy Easter!